How to have a Marriage that endures

To have a successful marriage, there has to be fruitfulness–particularly long-suffering.

The definition of long-suffering according to the dictionary is “having or showing patience in spite of troubles, especially those caused by other people”having or showing patience in spite of troubles, especially those caused by other people”.

Marriage is hard and will be one of the hardest things a person can ever do, however, it is easier with the Holy Spirit. The God that is within you will cause your marriage to prosper.

It is important to get the right information about and for marriage so the right image can be formed about it.

A spouse and their habits, ways, body, etc. will change over time, and it takes maturity to appreciate those changes to allow for healthy growth. This maturity comes through knowing and experiencing the unconditional love of God. In knowing this love, the Holy Spirit will prompt you to love your spouse unconditionally.

In the bible, the word “perfecting” means maturing. To have success in life, we should seek to be fruitful instead of the world’s way of doing things. God defines perfection as being able to hear him and following what he tells you to do. In order to do this, you have to get rid of “self”.

The number one enemy to marriage is: self. If you are going to love, you have to love the way Jesus loved: sacrifice, death to self, outside of emotion. If you struggle with doing this, understand that Christ did this for you and you do not have to do this on your own. The Holy Spirit enables you to love your spouse in this way.

As you produce God’s love, you will find purpose, acceptance, fulfillment, and have your needs met. Most married couples put pressure on their spouse to give them these things, but instead God freely gave all of this to you. Instead of seeking your spouse for these things, seek God.

Do not beat yourself up in your quiet time with God because you are not where you want to be in your marriage. None of us are fully mature because we are all in a process, however the Holy Spirit is at work in us. A process is a series of actions or steps that are taken in order to achieve a particular end. There is an order that God has for the growth of your marriage. Continue to work to hear and obey the Holy Spirit.

When you get married, you bring two different entities, cultures, and beings together and make an effort to make the relationship work. Different is not bad. However, things will be different for the both of you. Give each other room to not be perfect. Give each other room to grow. Tell your spouse that you love them, tell them thank you, do not take each other for granted, and appreciate each other.

You are the temple of God. God who knows and provides all things lives in you and is always with you.
Repeat this confession
I am God’s temple. God lives in me. God is with me.
You are never alone. God will lead you into all truth and teach you what you need to learn for your marriage. Allow God to give to you the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding and receive it. After bad fights and arguments, doubting staying together, and standstills, the Holy Spirit will be what will win out the day. Also, when you are at your lowest point, surround yourself with godly people who will not feed into the negative energy, but point you back to the love of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit.
You have received complete healing and wholeness in your spirit, soul, and body.
The Holy Spirit is your teacher and teaches you at the time you need it, if you allow it.
How do I get the desire and power to do what pleases God? God gives it to you. The only thing you need to do is let it happen.
Repeat this confession
God is at work in me. I will be patient in the process.
As you are patient, you will have the number one thing that you will need in marriage: to be one with God. Become one with God–first. Become whole as a person through God– first. Your marriage does not complete you, God does.
To be one with God you must:
  • Honestly understand who you are and where you are so God can help you
  • Understand where you come from and what baggage you have picked up along the way
  • Learn and understand the role of your position in marriage
    • (the role of a husband and a wife and courting)
  • Learn the expectations that you have for each other
  • Understand the anointing of a husband and a wife
    • Be careful of “dating” your partner as if they are your spouse. There is an anointing on a husband and on a wife and it empowers them to be together. You may be experiencing struggle while you date because God has not anointed “boyfriends” and “girlfriends” and you will be frustrated
  • When you get married, put God in the center of the relationship
Helpful Tips
  1. Know the rules of engagement when it comes to communication
    • Communication is when messages are exchanged and there is a shared meaning (on the same page)
    • Implement reflective listening. Reflective listening is repeating back to the person what you think they are saying in order to understand them fully. Let them thoroughly finish, before you respond. This will allow your partner to feel valued and heard. If you do not, then they will feel devalued and unheard. These emotions will then produce fear and anger and will create arguments and a negative environment
    • Set boundaries within your conversation. Explain to your spouse how you receive messages the best. Explain to your spouse your triggers and what will cause you to shut down in a conversation. If boundaries are not set, then a specific emotion will rise up every time conflict comes up. So set a time to talk, talk through it, and afterwards, let it go
  2. Set the standard of the conversation
    • How will you communicate with each other? How will you listen to each other? How will you begin a conversation? How will you end a conversation?
  3. Set escape routes and eject button
    • If your buttons have been pushed, be confident and mature enough to leave the conversation for the sake of peace. Take a break. Step away. Leave and talk to God or pray in the Spirit
  4. Know how to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually
    • Understand change will happen to you, your spouse, and your marriage
    • Identify development (in you and your spouse). Identify when you and your spouse are in a process. This creates a safe space for both of you to grow
  5. Know how to experience fulfillment
    • Fulfillment comes from God. Seek fulfillment from Him
    • When you find fulfillment in God, you will find service and not servants

God will lead you to serve others. God will lead you to serve your spouse and then you will find your purpose, acceptance, and everything you need.

Ask God daily to teach, lead, and guide you. When he speaks to you, listen. Write down what he says, and you will learn to know his will. As you learn and know his will, then you will mature and be perfected.

Love is a decision that is made every day. It is a choice that is made every day despite feelings and temporary moments. With God, He will empower you to make that daily decision.